A parent of three of our PCA students passed away over the weekend and so a number of us as staff attended the funeral (actually a memorial service) yesterday afternoon. And so I thought I'd share my 3 funeral principles for leaders:
1) Funerals are mandatory - this principle comes from the title of chapter 11 (Weddings Discretionary, Funerals Mandatory) of Rudy Giuliani's book, Leadership. A great book overall and an especially important reminder for all leaders to simply be there when the families of your staff/friends are going through one of life's most difficult times.
2) Attend a funeral before its someone you care about - I learned this principle from my mom & dad early in life and I was so glad to see many of our PCA parents also bringing their youngsters to the memorial service. Children need to learn to deal with death correctly (ie biblically) as well as appropriately. If at all possible (and admittedly this is not always the case), a child should attend a funeral/memorial service for someone they may not know very well and then feel free to talk about the service and ask questions when the people/family involved are not very emotionally close. Then, when it is a close friend or family member (eg grandma or grandpa), the emotions will be new and can be discussed fully and honestly, and yet the whole situation/context won't be nearly as strange or dreadful.
3) When you begin serving as a leader in a new community, visit the cemetary. Admittedly, this principle may not work in most urban contexts, but in rural Western Canada - where I grew up and still live - you can begin learning a great deal about people's lives and challenges, if you visit the cemetary and then start to ask a local "community historian" about the questions. Of course, when you can take this knowledge and show compassion to your people based on this information, it demonstrates your heart for people as a leader. "They don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."
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